You get more bees with honey...or in this case, a second hour of OT.

Yeah! My persistance has paid off! Moose will meet OT #2 next week.

So, our schedule now is a bit insane...

Monday-OT and Speech

Tuesday-no therapy.  park district class: gymnastics.  in hopes Moose will make a friend or burn some energy

Wednesday-DT and a quickie park district Tot Spot aka Moose runs and knocks over other unsuspecting kids

Thursday-OT, the sequel

Friday-park district class: Art & Craft aka Trying to Get Moose not to eat the glue

I swore I'd never overschedule my kid, and this weekly schedule makes me want to cry.  Hooky is always an option.  Especially on perfectly sunny spring and summer days...which are not too far away...

He needs the therapy, I guess, but part of me wonders if I never called Early Intervention, would he still be the same?

I don't think it's all voodoo bullshit, but in this case the more cooks in the kitchen, the better.

And, I get free preschool.

Ah.

No, he doesn't want a F&*()*(*% balloon.

I dream of the day Moose answers the sweet grandfatherly cashier at Trader Joe's, "I want a red balloon."

Moose is so big for his age-he's in 4T clothes at the age of 2...(hence, the Moose nickname) that people in public address him all the time.  

In return, all you hear is crickets.  

I waited for the language explosion that was supposed to occur at 18 months. 

Nada.

I thought, hey, once he turns two, that's when he'll start talking.

Nada.

Now, we are approaching 2 1/2.  

I hear go, up, what's this, what's that, mama, dada. gack. zaza. ses.

Most of the time I hear incoherent drunken babbles.

I dream of the day I can tell him to shut the hell up. 

Cry. Eat. Poop. Repeat

Like clockwork. He's up again. 7 month old Hedgehog is still on the boob, for the following reasons:

1.) I am too cheap to buy formula.
2.) I am too lazy to clean bottles.
3.) I burn 20 calories for every ounce he eats, and I really hate working out. 
4.) I heard that breastfed babies are never wait listed for Harvard.

But man, do I wish I could just shove a bottle in his mouth some nights, so I can sleep through. 

Five more minutes, and if he's still wailing...I'll go in. 

With a two-bedroom house, and two kids...lil Hog is still in our room because Moose is such a light sleeper. 

Ugh, wish I would have planned that better.

Screams are now turning into despeate pleas for boob.

Off to nourish the young.

My Baby CAN READ!

o really, he can't. Not yet.

Back when I was a classroom teacher sans small children, I attended a workshop by reading guru Jim Trelease, author of THE READ-ALOUD HANDBOOK. His suggestions are basic. Read to your child. Daily and often. Go to the library and bookstore. Never use "no bedtime stories" as a punishment.

One of his suggestions threw me against the blackboard. Something SO simple every parent can do, if they have a remote control.

Turn on your close captioning or subtitling option. Kids in the Netherlands don't receive formal reading instruction until the age of seven and most can read before entering school.

Why?

All television there is close-captioned. Think of it as a talking book.

So, jab, jab, PUNCH, American Academy of Pediatrics. My guilt is lessened when my Moose's eyes are glued to his beloved Elmo as the words dance across the bottom of the screen.

Best of all. It's free.

paying for ther-a-pay!

I just received the "bill" from early intervention (thank you state of Illinois, for covering this...)

$175/hr for speech therapy

$140/hr for occupation therpay.

I made roughly $20/hr to teach the future of America.

Damn, did I pick the WRONG profession.

I've witnessed these therapy sessions for the better part of the past few months.

Here's how they typically go:

Moose cries.

Said therapist chases him around with educational toys and attempts play.

They blow bubbles.

Sing songs.

Moose cries more.

Said therapist chaes him around some more.

You can try this at home!

Basically, the same shit I do when I don't have the Hedgehog attached to the tit and a pile of laundry that resembles Mt. Everest.

A few months in, and my 28 month old still isn't talking.

Sigh.

What the hell else can I do???

We live on Sesame Street.

No tv for kids under 2? Seriously?

Do these doctors have small children at home? Well, they probably do, but they are with the nannies all day. I’d bet my morning coffee their nannies use a lil PBS for sanity here and there.

Back when Moose was a mere 18 months old, and we had a family wedding in Vegas...I brought him along. With a DVD player and two Elmo videos. Said DVD player busted on the return flight. Flight was delayed four hours. Moose screamed for hours.

Curse, you AAP.

If I need to take a shower, the furry red monster is my built-in babysitter. Moose, my 2 year old, doesn’t budge if Elmo graces the screen. If my Moose runs laps in his room instead of napping, and Mommy is about to open up a bottle of vino at 2pm, I turn to my new best friend, Elmo. Elmo, you are my hero.

So, American Academy of Pediatrics, you can suck it. I am not a crappy mother because I let my child visit Sesame Street daily. I am a mother with some sanity, and a showered body, most days.